Why Have You Stopped Growing?

There is no doubt that our country and its economy are in one of the worst states they have ever been. Many people struggle to eat, let alone think about self-improvement. There are countless graduates who have never secured a job, cannot create one, or even sustain a small business despite their education, simply because they have stopped learning and improving themselves.

Others have remained consistent in their efforts to improve their circumstances. They may not have reached where they desire to be, but the good news is that they are no longer where they used to be.

So, what about you? Why have you stopped improving yourself?

I know you have many excuses. “Since I got married and started bearing children, my focus is now on their future.” “My husband or wife has refused to support me.” Single men and women blame their parents, the government, or the economy.

The blame continues endlessly. There always seems to be a reason for every problem. Yet one of the most alarming issues today is our culture of celebrating mediocrity. Much of the music, comedy, and movies produced today revolve around irrelevant topics while ignoring the real challenges confronting society.

Nevertheless, crime continues to increase at every level, but perhaps the greatest attack is on our educational system. It has become common to study only to pass, and even to pay to pass. Some songs portray education as a scam, yet those same songs could only be written because of the education their writers received.

Our educational system, which once promoted Agriculture, Economics, skills acquisition, and other valuable subjects, has gradually declined in many public schools while becoming more accessible in private schools.

My question remains: Why have you stopped growing?

The excuses above—and many others—are what I call good reasons because almost everyone can relate to them. However, the real question is this: Are they the true reasons why you have stopped working on yourself?

Only you can answer that honestly.

You will begin to find your answer when you evaluate the people you spend time with, the things that interest you, the books you read, and the principles you follow.

Also ask yourself: Are you driven by temporary motivation or by a lasting commitment to succeed, make an impact, live purposefully, and transform your perspective? Or are you simply living according to whatever each day brings?

When people complain, acknowledge that their concerns are real, but never accept them as your permanent reality. Constantly ask yourself, “How can I get through this phase while keeping my values and principles intact?”

There is YouTube, Facebook, TikTok, and many other social media platforms. Information is at your fingertips. Make good use of them to learn, solve problems, and create value. When you solve problems, money follows.

Let me tell you something: poor people talk about money; rich people talk about properties and investments; but wealthy people focus on ideas. An idea is your solution to a problem you have identified. For instance, the phone was first an idea before it became a reality. People may call you rich because of the house or car you own, but those creations began as someone’s idea.

In essence, ideas generate wealth. Money cannot buy ideas. Therefore, as important as money is, do not make it your primary pursuit. Instead, focus on creating value, building character, and preserving the future. In doing so, you create a channel of wealth that can outlive you.

Remember also that success is a road less travelled. It often feels lonely. It demands determination and the willingness to leave your comfort zone. There is a price for everything worth having, and you must be willing to pay it. He who wants to bring light must endure burning and heat.

When we were growing up, whenever we needed money for trousers or reigning pams, we carried blocks or did concrete work. We believed that aka aja aja na ebute onu mmanu mmanu (The dirt hands bring forth good money).

My friends, see yourself as water. Refuse to be contained. In seasons when you feel stagnant, deepen your roots, strengthen your skills, and then, with the force of a dam, release sustainable light and lasting impact.

Growth is actually simple. Decide what you truly want, then discard everything that does not move you closer to your vision.

Focus on building yourself. The very people you are looking up to for help today may become the ones who seek your help tomorrow.

The colonial intruders may have left physically, but they have deeply penetrated our minds. It is therefore your responsibility to emancipate yourself from that mental slavery. Embrace your heritage. Love your culture and your community. Invest in yourself and in the lives of others.

I stand for onye aghana nwanne ya. If you must leave your brother, let it be only to make way for him.

Whatever reason you have given yourself for not improving, learning, or growing may be understandable. However, it remains your responsibility not to allow those reasons to keep you down.

Prioritize yourself. Watch your circle. Commit to success. Evaluate every decision against your goals and your values.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

The Value of What We Already Have.

The little bird that chooses to perch on a rope should be ready to dance, because when a deity becomes irresponsible, it will be reminded of the tree from which it was carved.

It is only an Nza bird that challenges its chi simply because it has had enough to eat, forgetting that what an elder sees while sitting down, even if a child climbs the highest mountain, he may still remain lost in obscurity.

Ndi beanyi, ochie akirika ekwesighi itu ujo agwo (the dry old weed should not be afraid of a snake) because it has lived long enough to know that snakes do not feed on grass.

How have we forgotten what we are capable of achieving and instead turned inward to fight ourselves? Surely, the easiest way to destroy a people is to channel their strength against themselves, because a house divided against itself cannot stand. We tear our brothers and sisters down simply because we want to get ahead of them.

We are so focused on what we want and need that we have forgotten the value of what we already have. Being alive and healthy is a blessing. Having a family, siblings, parents, neighbours, and an entire community is fundamental to our existence.

I recall years ago in my village, okpogho ukwuagba, when one of the elders said that wherever there are big hands and big feet, the joy is only complete when tiny hands and tiny feet are found among them, referring to the joy of having children and raising them.

Many of us are quick to think we will be better parents than our own parents, forgetting that it is the principles and training they gave us, or even failed to give us, that have helped shape who we are today. Therefore, we should not be like the nwa nza bird. Instead, we should be appreciative of what we have while striving to improve. Appreciate your parents and guardians while they are still alive, because one day they will become memories.

This is important because life is best understood through perspective, and perspectives are often shaped by a person’s needs and interests.

Take, for instance, if animals had religion. Human beings would likely be their devil because we are the ones who raise, feed, slaughter, cook, and use them for various celebrations.

Again, consider a fingerling whose father was caught by a fisherman trying to provide food for his own family. The fisherman’s child is happy because his father caught a big fish, but what about the fingerling that has become fatherless and may one day end up in the pot just like its father?

You see, the grass that thinks the lion is a hero and the goat is a villain lacks the understanding that lions do not eat grass. Hence, the misconception.

This is to remind us that we are all, in one way or another, indebted to someone or something. Therefore, we must build communities where everyone is valued and respected.

Furthermore, we should not discard our culture, morals, traditions, and medicine simply because people who do not understand us, or who do not even want to understand us, tell us that our way of doing things is primitive. The question is: primitive compared to what?

Secondly, community living, onye aghana nwanne ya (Brother’s keeper), is what we are known for. How did we learn to exist in isolation? Brothers now fight simply because they do not belong to the same religion. Brotherhood should rise above any religious ideology because nwanne bu ike (Brotherhood is power).

Additionally, value what you have: your children, family, good health, and skills. Learn to live in the moment and help those who are less fortunate than you today. Be good to people on your way up because you may meet them again on your way down.

Finally, the poverty many people experience is often the greatest advantage politicians have over them. A hungry person has little else to think about beyond survival. Therefore, before you cast your vote, remember that what you hold in your hands is power. Entrust it to someone who will create a favourable environment for economic growth and prosperity.

In the end, if we all do the right thing, we will all be OK.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

A hapu ndu kpaa aku—onye iro eri ya! (Health is Wealth)

The first and perhaps only true determinant of happiness is found in not constantly searching for happiness. Statistics show that the rate at which people consume alcohol has declined significantly, but many have switched to harder substances. While alcohol consumption is not good either, people who are constantly searching for happiness or trying to escape reality have upgraded to more dangerous substances.

These hard substances are a major reason we are witnessing increasing rates of kidney failure, liver failure, and mental breakdowns among young people today.

On the other hand, while drugs are affecting mostly young men, the fashion and beauty industries are giving young women reasons to become artificial. There is a reason it is called artificial or plastic. The quest to avoid aging has led many people to use organic creams containing high levels of steroids and other substances, sometimes unknown even to those mixing them.

These concoctions have contributed greatly to the rise of diseases such as cancer, kidney failure, and liver failure.

In today’s world, people are not reading as much anymore. Content creators have become the primary source of information for many. We often know the truth from the lies, yet for some reason, we ignore the truth and embrace the lies.

There are many disturbing things happening in today’s society. Even when we know they are wrong, we choose to participate in them because we do not want to appear different or be seen as unaccommodating.

My point is that it is time to educate yourself and define your own values and principles. Take charge of your health and well-being. Many of the people parading as if they care are business men and women. They are often more concerned about profits than about your health or recovery.

The only lasting happiness is the one that comes from within—the understanding that life will not always be perfect and that things will not always go according to plan. External stimulants and substances only keep people trapped and stagnant in misery.

Here is what I propose, especially for those who are constantly trying to impress others: remember that you are unique and enough. Sadly, no one is really watching you until you start doing something extraordinary.

Read and question every piece of information. Protect yourself from these business men and women by eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. Food is different from a product; one exists for nutritional purposes, while the other is often designed primarily for the manufacturer’s gain.

Open your eyes and ears to positive energy, and close your mouth to negative words. Speak life into your days and nights, and never curse yourself.

In the end, what matters is not how beautiful you look, but how beautifully you have lived in the hearts of others. Always question decisions that do not align with your vision. Finally, do not simply exist in a vacuum; make sure your life is being lived with purpose.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

Our Disunity Is Their Weapon and Strength

Three brothers fell in love with one beautiful girl. None of them was willing to step aside for the others; each wanted to marry her. The girl, on the other hand, was just as confused as the brothers. She could not choose one over the others because each of them played a unique role in her life.

The kind of blindness that obsession creates left them fighting over one girl. One day, they decided to consult a native doctor. After interpreting his affa, the wise native doctor told them that the one who would not say a single word until they got home would be the one the girl would choose.

The three brothers left. As they walked, the youngest reminded the others of what the native doctor had said and then laughed. The second brother immediately responded, “You have said a word.” The oldest then concluded, “Thank God I did not say a word.”

It was at that moment that they all realized they had breached the instruction given to them. It became clear that none of them would marry the beautiful girl unless they either worked together or allowed one among them to marry her.

This story highlights what happens when we refuse to allow ourselves and others to grow. It reveals how our actions may unintentionally become the very factors that hold us back. The joy that comes from succeeding at the detriment or failure of another person often leads to our own failure.

Now, imagine the beautiful girl as Nigeria, and the three brothers as the three major ethnic groups in the country.

Deep down, most people want Nigeria to work. They believe that we are better off together than apart. However, our actions toward one another and our unwillingness to allow our brothers and sisters to grow continue to hold everyone back.

This beautiful country needs all of us because every ethnic group brings something unique and valuable. The unity of the brothers would mean greater benefits for the bride. Likewise, the unity of our people would mean a stronger and more prosperous Nigeria.

When one region is in crisis, another region celebrates, while others simply thank God that it is not happening to them. What we often fail to understand is that when we lift our brother’s hands, our own hands are lifted as well.

The message here is simple: let us unite our ideas and promote individual development for the collective good. As the brothers struggled to possess the beautiful bride, it became evident that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

People are still selling their votes. Activists are being jailed. Ordinary citizens are dying of hunger. The sick cannot afford hospital bills. Yet many continue to promote ethnic and religious division.

Many Nigerians are saddened by the treatment they receive in South Africa, forgetting that we have not fully embraced peace and harmony among ourselves. We discriminate against one another even within our own country.

Our people have a saying: if a man calls his pot bin, his neighbour will use it to pack dirt.

We may be approaching one of our last opportunities to liberate ourselves from this bondage. They are testing their prototype with these off-cycle elections, observing how easily people can be bought. Yes, there is hunger today, but the hunger that will come if we pretend to be asleep during these elections may be far worse.

Always remember that you are somebody, any day and at any time. Do not sell your vote. Say no to religious and ethnic bias. We do not have to be the same to live together.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

Be Authentic and Be Open to Learning

There is a story about a king who had three faithful successors. Tradition required that a king name his heir at a certain age to maintain order and prevent future family feuds.

This wise king, unsure of whom to choose, decided to test their character, wisdom, and loyalty. In those days, elders often spoke in riddles and created challenges to test the reasoning ability of their children.

He called the three young men and gave each of them a seed. He instructed them to plant and nurture the seed, saying that whoever’s seed germinated, grew, and bore fruit within two years would become his successor.

The three men happily took their seeds and planted them separately.

The seed was well known throughout the kingdom, and everyone knew it usually germinated quickly. However, after three months, none of the seeds had sprouted, and concern began to grow.

Two of the young men decided to obtain similar seeds from elsewhere. After all, they reasoned, if a tree grew, how would the king know whether it came from the original seed or not?

The third man, however, continued watering his seed faithfully, even though nothing appeared. Eventually, he told himself that perhaps it was not his destiny to become king. Since the other two men’s seeds had germinated and blossomed, he resolved to support whichever of them was chosen.

Little did he know that the others had secretly replaced the seeds the king had given them.

On the appointed day, the gong sounded: Kom! Kom! Ko! Ko! Kom! The people gathered, and the king welcomed everyone. It was time for the three men to present the results of their efforts.

The first arrived with a flourishing tree bearing fruit. The second did the same. The crowd applauded loudly. Young men and women celebrated the occasion with excitement and admiration.

Then the third man stepped forward—not with fruit, but with honesty.

He said, “My King, I am honored to have been considered for this position. However, my seed never germinated despite my efforts. I have come only to tell the truth.”

The king smiled and said, “My son, you are the chosen one.”

The crowd fell silent.

The king continued, “I gave each of you a boiled seed, knowing fully well that it could never germinate. These two men deceived me because they wanted to become king by any means necessary.”

Those who had cheered moments earlier suddenly became speechless.

Lessons and Reflections

How often do we rush through a process simply to enjoy people’s praise?

Many people choose leaders because they appear successful, even when their actions produce no meaningful results in the lives of those they lead.

We must understand that the process is just as important as the outcome—if not more important.

A results-only mindset is why a young girl with no job or skill may return home with an expensive phone, yet no one asks how she acquired it.

It is also why a young man with no legitimate source of income can buy expensive cars, stay in luxury hotels, and receive applause from society.

Today, we often celebrate material possessions without questioning the process through which they were acquired.

My point is simple: we must learn to value due process in every aspect of life—education, leadership, business, politics, and personal development.

It is time we stopped celebrating wealth that creates no value for others.

Be like Nkemakolam. Trust the process. Believe in yourself. Do not cheat.

Our people have a saying: “He who is in a hurry to harvest yam will still have to sit down and dig it out when it breaks apart in the soil.”

The lesson is clear: be patient with yourself. Celebrate success that comes through value creation, hard work, and integrity. In doing so, we encourage others to follow the same path.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Majoring in Minor Things

I had a conversation today with a colleague whose daughter is only 23 years old. She explained how her daughter had already saved nearly 10% of the deposit needed for a mortgage. Having just graduated from university and secured a well-paying job, this means she was able to save a significant amount while still studying. She achieved this partly because she wanted to be responsible, but largely because her government has a functional system in place that makes such opportunities possible.

As I listened, I could see how proud her mother was, not because of the system itself, since that system has always been there to help citizens thrive, but because her daughter chose to take advantage of the opportunities available to her.

Reflecting on this, especially as it relates to Nigeria and Africa at large, I cannot help but ask myself: Why? And how can we free ourselves from this illusion and delusion called leadership?

What is the average 23-year-old African doing today? In fact, let me narrow it down: What are we doing in Nigeria?

Many of the leaders we have today enjoyed free education and attended prestigious institutions, yet they seem to lack the vision and commitment required to build a nation. The opportunities they enjoyed in their youth are often denied to the very citizens they claim to serve.

Go online and observe the conversations. Everyone seems to be dancing, discussing celebrity news and marital affairs, while the real issues facing the nation receive little attention without being filtered through religion or ethnicity. Leaders write books explaining why they failed and who is to blame, while others raise billions to celebrate those excuses.

Musicians, on the other hand, often produce lyrics that do little to create awareness, challenge poor policies, or inspire hope. Many songs revolve around money, fraud, and women. One is left wondering: What happened to songs about education, skills, patriotism, peace, unity, values, and morality? What happened to music that united people and inspired positive change? Musicians are now called entertainers, not prophets, as they were often regarded in the past.

It pains me that many people see money as something to accumulate rather than a tool that can be used to improve society. People seek power only to become servants of wealth and political godfathers, neglecting those they promised to lead. They compare our challenges with the mistakes of other nations while ignoring the developments those same nations have achieved.

How can someone who becomes wealthy only after assuming public office be treated like a demigod instead of being held accountable? Citizens sing and dance for bags of rice and salt in a country where the healthcare system barely functions.

There is so much happening in Nigeria today, enough to demand a national awakening. We need to stand together, not against one another, but against the systems and attitudes that continue to hold us back. The continuous impoverishment of the people, reckless borrowing without corresponding development, and the mentality that anything foreign is automatically superior must all be questioned.

Can someone truly love you more than you love yourself? What would make someone who once held you in chains suddenly care more about your future than you care about your own?

This is not a call to hate anyone. It is simply a call to awareness, responsibility, and accountability. We deserve to live safely in our own country and enjoy the benefits of our natural resources.

The solution is not outside us—it is within us and among us. Until we stop majoring in minor things and start focusing on the issues that determine our survival and progress, we risk wasting the sacrifices and efforts of those who came before us.

The war is still on; only the methods have changed. If the bird learns to fly without perching, the hunter must learn to aim without stopping. He who has not reached his destination cannot afford to grow weary.

Nigerians and Africans must rise, not against one another, but against our common enemies: sickness, poverty of mind and body, corruption, poor leadership, and the absence of character.

I will leave you with the words of Harriet Tubman:

“I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.”

Who is your master? Is it money, ignorance, greed, or grandiosity?

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Beware of false praises.

I want to discuss something that is gradually becoming part of our culture and, somehow, we are normalising it.

Have you noticed that when a woman is single, she often receives far less attention from men than when she is married? Once a woman gets married, even when it is obvious that she is pregnant, some men still seek intimate relations with her. This behaviour can be described as covetousness—the envious desire to possess what belongs to another person.

While the tendency to desire what others have can exist in all human beings, it appears particularly common in matters involving relationships. This is one reason God warned against coveting another person’s spouse. A man’s ability to resist the urge to pursue another man’s wife is what distinguishes self-discipline from indulgence.

The essence of this message is to point out that the man who approaches you when you are already in a relationship or married is not necessarily doing so because he cares for you more than your husband does. In many cases, he is motivated by the desire to possess what belongs to someone else. Understanding this can be empowering. Once you recognise that some of the praise, attention, and admiration you receive from other men while married may not be genuine, but rather an expression of covetousness, you will be in a better position to make wise decisions about your family and your relationship.

Remember that even your husband may encounter similar temptations, yet he chooses to remain committed because he values what you both share. Faithfulness is often a matter of principle, discipline, and respect for one’s commitments.

It is also important to acknowledge that some people are drawn to relationships primarily for status, influence, or financial security. Such individuals may be tempted to abandon a partner when someone perceived to be more successful comes along. While this tendency can be observed in some women and men, it should not be used to judge everyone, as every individual is different.

When a covetous person pursues someone who is already married, the outcome often depends on the character, values, and convictions of the person being pursued. Wealth, status, or social standing may influence some decisions, but integrity remains the strongest defence against temptation.

In summary, much of the praise and attention that comes from outsiders once you are married or in a committed relationship should be viewed with wisdom and caution. Appreciate kind words, but do not allow them to cloud your judgment. If a spouse repeatedly chooses infidelity over commitment, despite understanding the consequences, difficult decisions may need to be made. Likewise, if someone consistently pursues other people’s spouses, it reflects a lack of self-control and respect for boundaries.

Ultimately, the people best suited for lasting relationships are those who have mastered themselves—those who recognise their capacity to covet or to be unfaithful, yet choose faithfulness out of principle, love, and commitment to family unity.

The growing trend of excusing bad behaviour and immorality is contributing to the erosion of many families. Our failure to understand and manage our human nature often keeps us below the moral standards we claim to uphold.

Every person is called to obey the Ninth and Tenth Commandments: leave other people’s spouses alone, exercise self-control, and recognise deception for what it is. In the end, people are responsible for their choices. Therefore, be wise.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

Balancing the Old Culture and the New Culture

It is important to highlight that the values and roles traditionally performed by men in the old culture, such as protection, provision, and decision-making are still very relevant. What has changed, however, is that men are no longer the sole providers, protectors, or decision-makers in many homes today.

Many men are struggling to accept this reality, especially when some women still attach leadership solely to roles or financial status and use it to belittle them. For instance, when some women begin to earn more than their husbands, they may feel they have automatically become the leaders of the home, and therefore expect their husbands to assume roles traditionally associated with wives.

This idea is often presented as freedom and independence for women, but very few people ask: freedom and independence from whom, and from what?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man deciding to cook or do household chores for his family. The issue lies in the mindset or perception behind it especially when such actions are forced by disrespect, manipulation, or unhealthy expectations.

It is often in these situations that a man’s innate nature and ego are challenged. Some men, understanding the danger of allowing conflict to destroy their homes, seek counsel and guidance early. Others, however, allow emotions to get the better of them and end up losing themselves and their families in the process. Sadly, it is usually the children who pay the ultimate price through emotional and psychological trauma.

Therefore, the new culture demands maturity and self-control from both men and women in relationships. Being a husband should not be measured solely by how much a man contributes financially. A man’s leadership and manhood should not be defined only by his ability to provide, but also by his ability to be a loving father and supportive husband to his wife and children.

Some may ask: how can a man effectively be a father or husband if he cannot adequately provide for his family?

The truth is that many children who grew up without the presence of either their father or mother often carry a deep emotional vacuum, even when the remaining parent provided them with a comfortable life. In many cases, you hear statements like:

“I didn’t grow up with my father. I didn’t have a male figure in my life to teach me what to look out for in a man as a young girl.”

The same applies to boys who grow up without proper parental guidance.

This proves that the presence of a loving father in the home provides emotional and psychological security for children. I place emphasis on fathers because many of them are gradually being replaced or pushed aside, and when a man loses his sense of purpose and direction, families and eventually society begin to suffer.

The overall point of this post is to encourage our lovely ladies to appreciate and respect their men, regardless of income differences or educational exposure. Many men sacrificed and worked hard to help their wives become academically and professionally successful, only to later feel looked down upon by the very women they supported.

At the same time, this is also a wake-up call to men who have stopped developing themselves simply because they have hardworking wives. Remember, she is still a woman, and there is only so much stress she can endure. She still wants to be loved, cherished, appreciated, and emotionally supported by her man. Do not make the mistake of assuming that because she works hard, she no longer desires affection and care.

Finally, men and women no longer live together merely for survival as was common in olden times. Today, the foundation of many relationships is happiness, intimacy, companionship, and passion. These qualities go far beyond physical intimacy; they are rooted in kindness, consideration, emotional presence, active listening, and purposeful living.

Men, stop defining your manhood solely by what you do or provide. Rules alone do not make you a man, and you do not need a wife to validate your masculinity.

You are a man regardless of your status, as long as you live purposefully.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

You Are a Man Regardless of Your Financial Status

There is an obvious struggle today when it comes to the position of men in families and relationships. There has been a rise in domestic violence as some men attempt to exert authority in unhealthy ways within their homes and relationships. Today, we are going to examine what has led to increasing frustration among men in relationships and why many women keep asking their husbands to “be a man.”

The Traditional Man

First, let us look at the traditional man in older societies.

During the era of our grandparents and parents, the yardstick used to measure a man was his ability to provide, protect, and make decisions for the family. Women depended mainly on their husbands to make most family decisions. Their major roles were to care for the home, look after the children, and tend to their husbands’ needs.

During this time, men handled almost everything. A woman who lost her husband often had to seek protection from other men, or else she and her children would suffer greatly. The traditional man was seen as a strong and dominant figure whom everyone respected and behaved well around whenever he returned home.

Before anything reached the family, the father had already handled it.

Men at that time saw provision, protection, and responsibility as the primary roles of a man, while women were expected mainly to obey and support the man’s decisions. Even in rare situations or cultures where women ruled as queens, men were still considered the pillars that protected the kingdom.

The Shift

The change began when men went to war and industries previously managed by men were successfully run by women. In some cultures where women were once forbidden from attending school, some fathers began educating their daughters.

Stories were told that only lazy men who could not farm or hunt were sent to school—meaning such men were once placed in the same category as women. However, society evolved.

The creation of police forces, laws, and basic human rights made it possible for everyone to access quality education regardless of gender. Acquiring education created opportunities for decent jobs, awareness of personal rights, and the confidence to fight for those rights.

Society and the Confusion

Society unintentionally created systems and laws that reduced many of the traditional roles men once held.

In the past, men were seen as protectors, but now the police, military, and security agencies perform those duties more effectively. Men were once expected to be the sole providers, but today many women have jobs and careers before they even get married. Women are now educated, financially independent, and capable of making decisions for themselves.

The confusion began because many men were not prepared for this transition, and the changes came without clear guidance on how men should adapt and grow within the new system.

The men who struggle the most are those who tie their worth and manhood solely to their roles, wealth, or social status. They are still operating with an old mentality in a new world.

Today, many men struggle to command the respect of women in the same way previous generations did. Likewise, when a woman becomes successful, she may also struggle in relationships because many men judge themselves based on their financial status and conclude that they are not in her league.

The Solution: What You Need to Know as a Man

It is important to understand that the roles of protection, provision, procreation, and logical reasoning alone do not make you a man. They may make you male, but they do not define true manhood.

Also, instructing a woman to obey you does not automatically give you authority over her. The world has changed, and many traditional roles can now be performed by anyone.

What truly differentiates a man from merely being male is purpose.

Find your purpose. Prioritize your vision and life mission. A woman who believes in your vision will naturally remain loyal and emotionally connected to you.

What a real man brings into a family is not just money, but substance: protection, emotional security, leadership, discipline, and principles.

It does not matter if your wife becomes the president or earns more money than you. What matters most is that you are pursuing a meaningful purpose that attracted her to you in the first place.

In Summary

Do not lower your standards simply because your financial status does not yet match your expectations for a wife. Instead, improve yourself by developing your vision, purpose, and character.

The woman who sees your value, principles, and sense of purpose will feel emotionally secure with you. Anyone who constantly competes with you in unhealthy ways may simply not be meant for you.

Almost everything a male traditionally did can now be replaced or assisted by modern systems and technology—even conception and intercourse are increasingly influenced by science and machines. However, the one thing that can never be replaced is your sense of purpose, vision, and identity.

Be a man.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

In Time to Come

When I reflect on how we are moving as a people, accepting new ideas, cultures, and modernization without critical evaluation, I become deeply concerned.

In many advanced nations, care homes are very common. They were originally created for elderly people or those facing mental health challenges. However, over time, what was meant to support families in caring for their loved ones has, in some cases, become a matter of convenience.

As I have always maintained, an act in itself is not usually detrimental; it becomes so depending on who is in charge and the intentions behind it.

Today, many young ladies openly say they do not want their mothers-in-law living with them and would rather place them in care homes. Whether this is a good decision or not depends largely on the motivation behind it.

Nevertheless, care homes were primarily created for people who are unable to carry out activities of daily living or those who require specialist care.

Sadly, we are gradually moving away from the moral fulfillment that comes from looking after our elderly loved ones. I often reflect on how it must feel to leave your home, relatives, friends, children, and grandchildren to move into a care home. Imagine the loneliness and anxiety such a transition may bring.

In the past, old age was seen as a blessing that people looked forward to. Today, however, the thought of growing old creates anxiety for many. A person’s importance and relevance now seem tied to their ability to provide. Once they become weak or dependent, many want them moved away into solitude.

There is no doubt that care homes are important, but I worry about our people because of the lack of proper regulations, the vindictive attitudes of some daughters-in-law, and the negative perception society now holds toward old people.

One of the reasons people marry is for companionship and support in old age. Unfortunately, many marriages today do not last, leaving behind lonely elderly people with little support.

It is therefore important that we all sit down and reflect on what we are doing today. Some of the systems and facilities being introduced are meant to assist us, not make us emotionally and morally redundant.

I will conclude with this: while modernization and new ideas are good, we must not forget our moral obligation to care for our loved ones and only seek outside help when it becomes truly necessary.

Old age should never be seen as a burden. Every young person should strive to plan their later years wisely. Find something meaningful to keep you active and fulfilled, even after retirement.

Finally, family is power. Do not allow the pressures and commercialization of the modern world to make you abandon the parents who never abandoned you as a child, leaving them to die lonely and far away from home.

I am not condemning care homes. What I am saying is that they should be a last resort, not the first option simply because elderly parents are seen as an inconvenience.

Take care of your parents. Be there for them. Take their grandchildren to visit them and make their final years memorable. That is all I am saying because, in time to come, you too may find yourself in the same position.

Our people say that when a goat chews its cud, the young one watches and learns. When you take care of your parents, your children will learn from you and, in turn, take care of you.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.